Memorial Day Sugar Cookies


Making these cookies reminded me of a very nice time when I started making cupcakes. #TBT if you will. For the first, like, three weeks of baking cupcakes, I was awful at it. Just awful. I always overbaked them, they were so dry they were basically inedible. I didn't really know how to frost either. I just haphazardly spread some overly stiff frosting with a knife, and even when I picked up piping I was still awful.

The point of the matter is that it didn't come naturally to me; it took a lot of practice. So, I don't really know why I expected that I could just pick up cookies and be super good at it right away. They turned out alright in the end, but the process was certainly trying. I just can't tell when cookies are done, I've never made royal icing before, and I'm not awesome at piping in a straight line. Those were the primary obstacles. I actually underbaked half of the cookies and they broke almost immediately. I've never known how to test cookies for done-ness, and I'm not sure I ever will. My only hope is my mom. But she was probably a witch in a past life.

My beautiful boss Jeanie pretending to enjoy the cookies!
So I made these for the esteemed staff of JCPenney. Today was our Memorial Day picnic where our manager grilled up burgers and hot dogs, my aunt Becky, who I also work for, made the cutest centerpieces, and I contributed the cookies! While I was making them, I was so sure they were a bust that I wasn't even sure I was going to bring them, but they turned out pretty well in the end. They tasted really yummy, and I attributed a solid 95% of that to the almond extract in the cookies. I loooove almost anything with almond extract (just not real almonds). They weren't too sweet, and the almond flavor offset the sweetness of the frosting really well. I was worried that they might be too sweet because royal icing is just like wet powdered sugar. But they really did work. This is another one that comes from Annie's Eats!

Sugar Cookies with Royal Icing
Ingredients
Cookies
2 sticks of butter, room temperature
1 cup of powdered sugar
1 egg
1 tsp of almond extract
1 tsp of vanilla extract
1 tsp of salt
2½ cups of all purpose flour

Royal Icing
4 cups of powdered sugar
2 tbsp of meringue powder
5 tbsp of water (def more, but start there)

Directions
First, cream the butter until it's smooth, then mix in the sugar. Next, add the egg, extracts, and salt. Disclaimer: I'm usually too lazy to measure the salt. I just pour some in my hand and throw it in. It is what it is. So this mixture will definitely not look right, like there will be weird chunks of butter and some soupy egg mixture, but just add the flour and it'll all work out. So once all the flour is in, you'll have a real dough. But if you tried to cut that out right away, you'd get so frustrated you might cry. So put it in the fridge or the freezer until it's nice and firm. Watch some Netflix in the meantime. I'd say 2 episodes of Always Sunny if you're using the freezer or 4 if you're using the fridge. But even after you do that, it's still going to be a pain for a bit. Flour your work space reaaaal good. I like rolling it around with my hands before I go in with the rolling pin so I can gauge how sticky it still is. Maybe preheat your oven to 375° around now. Probably add some more flour and start rolling and cutting. If it's too sticky just add more flour. These aren't like sand tarts, you don't want them to be super thin. Only roll to about ¼" thick because they need to be sturdy enough for the frosting. So once you have a bunch cut out, put them on a greased pan and bake them for 10-12 minutes. The original recipe said 8-10, but I promise you that didn't work. It might even need to be more than 12, but idk ask your mom.

Once those are cool, you can start your royal icing! By the way, meringue powder and cream of tartar are not the same thing, just in case you thought that. Cause no. You'll probably have to visit the baking aisle of a craft store like Michael's or Joann's for it. Basically all you do is throw all of that into the bowl of an electric mixer with the paddle attachment and just let it happen for like 8 minutes. The first stage of decorating is to outline your cookies. Take a generous spoonful of the big batch and color it if that's what you're doing. I did blue for my outline. I could tell it was way too thick to pipe right away so I added some more water until it was manageable. So pipe those outlines using a small round tip and wait for them to dry. Stage 2 is flooding. Take another generous spoonful into a small bowl and water it down until it's pretty drippy but not like gross. You can also color it at this point, but I left mine white. You're going to spoon this into the center of the cookie and push it out to the little levee of outlining frosting. Some people use a squeeze bottle and a toothpick, which I can imagine would be much faster, I just don't have a squeeze bottle. This worked fine, it was just slow. Now watch 2 episodes of Always Sunny while that sets, 3 if you're just kind of tired at this point. Finally, take whatever's left of the frosting, which should still be pretty stiff. Color it however you like, thin it if you need to, but it should be the same consistency as the outline. Quick note: this frosting is pretty awesomely adaptable. If you it's too thick, add more water. If it's too thin, add more powdered sugar. It's not so fickle like buttercream. So decorate however you want! I used a star tip and red frosting to make stripes. So patriotic! And now you're finally done!
Chowing down
Reviews
My parents did eat one that I dropped and Mommy said "They were very delicious and the decorations were cute." Dad said "Fucking delicious." Thanks, brah. My co-workers said about the same thing. I can assume they were genuinely well received because they were gone. Although Ben alone did eat 4. Women's/shoes/jewelry manager Amy asked me why I'm not going to school for baking. Thanks so much, Amy!

Also, those who know me understand the irony that even though I love to bake I rarely eat what I make. I'll eat the batter and the frosting to make sure it's good enough to serve, but I don't usually eat the finished product. Maybe I'll have a bite and make Kevin finish it. I just love salty food and have a very selective sweet tooth. Let me say this: I ate a whole cookie. (!)

Consensus: cute and delicious, probably good for holidays

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